My Self-Awareness Soap Box
In school, all of my English teachers hated the way I wrote.
Well, that may be a slight exaggeration. They disliked the timing in which I submitted my writing assignments.
The truth is they’d have given me an “A” if it had been in on time. The other letter grades they would’ve issued me were just reflections of how many days late I was with things.
I didn’t get it then, but I had a little natural raw writing ability and wished I’d known then. I wish I would’ve saved those papers I wrote back then. I wish I would’ve been more aware of life in general.
I’ve always viewed life as a set of checkpoints and accomplishments. Running through my days, year after year, like I had a checklist of experiences to get through.
No one taught me how to be aware, plan my own future, or interact “tactically” with others at jobs or in life.
I thought everyone was cruising through life, just going where their path was taking them.
I’d made it to the end of my senior year without knowing what’d I’d do with the rest of my life.
I recently watched the 2021 NFL Draft and was reminded I’d graduated high school 20 years ago this year.
In some of these videos, these young guys talked about how they were fulfilling a dream they’ve had since they were six.
Do you know what I was thinking about when I was six? What I was going to be for Halloween when I was seven.
My maternal grandmother had a saying. She had a lot of them, actually, but this one has been my favorite:
“Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster.”
That’s probably something everyone’s grandma has said, but it’s so relevant.
I digress.
Even though I’m sitting here pondering the path I took, I’m still able to change my stars anytime I want.
Do you know what I ended up doing after high school?
I became an EMT. Yep.
If you’re going to ask me how I arrived at that choice just three months before graduation, I’ll tell you it was influenced by big titties and flashing red dashboard lights.
Apparently, I didn’t need to know any other information than I could become a volunteer firefighter, get a cool flashy red dashboard light and go zipping around fucking town with it. I thought that was cool. And that was it.
I was such a BODAB back then. It’s what we’d call “big old dumb ass boys” in most parts of rural America.
It seemed like I was completely clueless about life as it was happening all around me. I wasn’t fully aware of how strategically life can be designed and how much influence we actually have over our own destinies.
I started writing this without purpose, but now it seems I’ve launched into a monotone diatribe about things I wished I’d known or done differently.
All really just to say how self-awareness can help avoid the pain of regret down the line. That’s the point. Regret. Fuck regret.
Self-awareness isn’t the only antidote for regret though. It should go hand in hand with reflection, education, and most importantly action.
Now that I’m self-aware, I’ve reflected and found a little more education.
So now it’s time for the action part. It’s time to answer my next most important question:
What do I do for my next 20 years?
